Don't stretch yourself...too much
embracing the difference between capacity and capability
I had a minor epiphany, the other day, while doing my daily lower body stretching routine.* I thought about how stretching once a day is about the right number of times to be stretching per day.
(That’s what I’m told, anyway. Maybe twice a day, depending on the stretch and on what’s going on in your body.)
Sometimes when people have a body issue or injury that might be helped by stretching, they get a little overzealous about it and start doing their stretches several times a day. And it’s actually not helpful. A little bit of stretching can help heal. Too much stretching is, well, too much.
I thought about this while doing my lying hamstring stretches. And I thought about a book I’ve been reading called Women Who Work Too Much, by
.**Thomas intersperses somatic (body) exercises throughout the book, and one of them especially stuck with me. She invites the reader to turn their head to the left and then to the right, only as far as it goes without any sense of stretching or tension. Then, do it again, but keep turning it through the stretching sensation until it’s stretched as far as it can comfortably go. Notice the difference between the non-stretched position and the stretched position.
To be honest, when I first followed along with this brief exercise, I thought the moral of the story was going to be something like this: Look how much farther you can go when you stretch! Aren’t our bodies—and minds, and spirits—amazing? We can often do so much more than we thought we could; we just have to put ourselves out there and try.
I was wrong.
It’s not that those things aren’t true. But Thomas is getting at something else. She wants her readers to reflect on the difference between what she calls capacity and capability—as she puts it, “the distinction between your natural boundaries and the strain we often impose on ourselves by constantly pushing beyond them” (147).
To me, this was such an interesting way of making physical the idea that just because we can do something (or lots and lots of things, all at the same time) doesn’t mean that we should, or that it’s sustainable and healthy for us in the long run.
I mean, I think I knew that on some level. But I like the way the neck-stretching analogy makes it tangible.
Working—in a broad sense of the word “work,” including paid jobs, side hustles, childcare or other caretaking responsibilities, volunteering in the community, etc.—as much as we’re able to on any given day is actually a very different thing from working as much as we would if we were attending to our bodies and minds, creating a sustainable rhythm of life that’s good for us and our communities.
What I like about Thomas’ book is that she doesn’t blame women who work too much for, well, working too much. She gets at the systems and ideologies of the world we live in, and how things don’t have to be this way.
I think about all this, and I think about all the times well-meaning people might encourage us to “stretch” ourselves.
For introverts—maybe we’ve been encouraged to “put ourselves out there,” perhaps by doing some public speaking, or leading a group we don’t really feel like leading, or meeting new people when we’d rather hole up with a book.
For anyone—we’ve probably felt people pressuring us at some point to step outside our comfort zones in some way, whatever that might look like for us. To try something new, or generally do something that feels a bit uncomfortable, or perhaps risky, or perhaps just draining.
I’m all for stretching ourselves; it’s how we grow.
But going back to those leg stretches, I wonder if it’s a question of how often we should be stretching ourselves. With legs, it’s once a day; with doing things outside of our comfort zones that take courage—or just a lot of time and energy—how often should it be?
I think the answer is different for every person and every situation. But maybe it isn’t “several times a day.” And it definitely isn’t “all the time.”
If it is, we simply wear ourselves out. We’re not actually growing; we’re just growing weary.
And perhaps we’re being used by those who keep telling us to stretch ourselves, but who actually benefit from our labor while we’re just drained. (Not saying this is the case every time one human encourages another human to stretch themselves; just saying it’s the case sometimes.)
Church isn’t the only place this happens, but it’s definitely one of the places.
Leaders have ideas of programs and events they want to offer, and they find volunteers to make these things happen. But often the same people end up volunteering for too many things, or people end up volunteering for things that don’t actually give them life—because, well, someone needs to do it.
But does someone need to do it? Or can churches and other groups only do the things people genuinely want to do, only offering stuff when someone has both excitement and capacity to take the lead?
I love the idea of stretching ourselves, when it’s a joyful thing that leads to growth and wellbeing for us and people around us. I hate it if it’s just another face of capitalism, pushing us to do more and more things, produce more and more, to prove our value (which is actually innate) and keep the machine running.
Maybe, on this post-evangelical journey—or whatever journey we’re on—we can learn, together, to see the difference.
So, here’s to stretching ourselves—sometimes. And with some really good boundaries. And a strong sense of agency as to when we want to stretch ourselves and when someone else wants us to but we can say “no thanks, not at this time.”
What have you learned about your capabilities vs capacity? Do you find that language—or the neck stretching exercise—helpful? I’d love to hear.
*I’ve been doing a particular set of stretches quite religiously every day since midway through my two months of debilitating nerve pain. It’s been hard to tell for sure what brought an end to the pain episodes, but these stretches didn’t not help, so I keep doing them, because I would do anything to keep that stabbing pain from coming back. And because they seem like a generally healthy thing to do.
**If that title resonates with you…or if you’re a woman living in a hyper capitalist society (hi US)…or if you’re a person of any gender who doesn’t mind some parts of the book talking about periods and such, I’d highly recommend. Also, as a Black British woman, Thomas speaks extensively to the intersections of race and gender in women’s lives, which I appreciate and you might too.
If you need more…
Tamu Thomas’ website, if you want to know more about her and her work
A post I wrote a couple months ago reflecting on how hard it can be to slow down, take a break, or admit our human limitations
A thing I wrote for Sojourners last year that goes into more depth on the churchy side of things: Churches Can Utilize Volunteers Without Exploiting Free Labor. (If I remember right, the original working title I suggested was Churches, Pay Your Staff! 🙂)